C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize