I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize