Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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