the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
