i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
