Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
