OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
