I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
