my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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