I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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