I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
