Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
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