Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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