i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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