Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
