Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
