I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
