we have officially lost it.
I accidentally had phone sex last night
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
