I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
