im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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