My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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