There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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