...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
