Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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