I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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