Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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