Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
