Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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