Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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