How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Randomize
