Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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