take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
