You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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