i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
