Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
