someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize