You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
