Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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