it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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