i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
