Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
this boner is exhausting
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
