Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
