He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize