Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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