Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I woke up under a house in Key West
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