Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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