She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
