Got a toothbrush?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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