I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize