I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
