i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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