I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
