I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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