I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize