then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
