I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
