this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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