This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
