Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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