you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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