i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I believe in your delicious
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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