Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
