my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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