but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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