Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
