I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
