If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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