i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
