Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
