so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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